beautiful woman with borderline personality disorder30 Mar beautiful woman with borderline personality disorder
A woman with traits of BPD will be at her most defended in a situation where her flaws are being scrutinized. Could never plan things with me or struggles. Just to add she always wanted to be do things alone. Its like this day in, day out. He feels that I dont respect him. You do your daughter a great service by making her the most important aspect of your life. JT, in general they tend to be ruled by their emotions. There are many people who would be surprised that you didnt early on categorize this woman as controlling and abusive. I am a confident guy and with her I turned into a pussy. So I took what she said with a grain of salt and just waited to see if she really meant it. Although there might be a desire for someone who is married or with children to preserve their relationship, it is not generally recommended for men that are looking for a healthy relationship but who ended up with a woman who is not emotionally healthy by mistake, no matter how enamored of her he may still be. I am a bpd woman, and I was married to a very selfish, narcissistic man for many years. I used to respond by being harsh to myself. Every other analysis labels us as equally dysfunctional as our bpd partner. I now just dont care and all my love I had has gone and just in the process of the break up , at the moment I feel I wont feel the heartache a lot of people feel as I not been the one in the wrong 95% of the time and tbh I really dont like her anymore as she is just a not very nice person , so hopfully wont feel to much pain and she dont cause me to much grief as the end is near . However, once this motivation dies down, they lack the skills to sustain their focus on their partners needs. But the version Im referring to was my first Waif. Its like she didnt understand why I would want to be with someone that acts like that. But whether a womans sensitivities are severe enough to warrant a diagnosis or not, the psychological effect on their partner is quite damaging. I know why she did it but it doesnt make it right or make me feel any better. I want to believe that she can do better than this, but I am losing hope and it is taking its toll on me. Today she told my daughters grandmother she wasnt allowed to love my daughter. My wife and her 7 year old son have been going for much longer. So anyone readin this who is unsure or in denial etc or like me believe their ex or current partner had BPD then just speak to them. Personality disorders in general, and borderline personality in particular, have been blamed on everything from brain malfunction and inadequate upbringing to social and cultural conditions. However, if she does not have a disorder but is engaging in this behavior based on entitlement issues because of her beauty, then she may very well have simply found another nice guy, but one who is willing to allow her to use him without setting healthy boundaries as you did. Rohit, these are very complex questions, but I will do my best to answer as simply as I can. Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship, 3 Ways to Hold a Blame-Shifter Responsible, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, An Addiction Myth That Needs to Be Revisited, 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. It has been 3 yrs since all this defriending & delusional nonsense began yet her Facebook campaign against me is still going strong. There is a period of emotional sobriety or coming down from the addictive nature these relationships that most men need to go through. We met nearly five months ago. Does your spouse often go very quickly from one emotion to another? You quickly work out its ALL about them! Doesnt really express anger in the verbal form but moreso in actions. Part of the recovery process from a breakup with a women who has traits of BPD is to recognize that these assets are valuable and should not be offered to those who are not equipped to give them back in return. Looking back, after our first meeting for the second time around, she came on to me in a very strong sexual way. Why why why ! A text from me to firm up a time/ date two days ago was AGAIN greeted with silenceMy final firm text summed up of all my thoughts and i see no reason for us to ever talk again. We may know intellectually that all of us have different personalities, not to mention different life experiences and cultural backgrounds. It was incredible how far she wanted to manipulate to see how well I would play in the sandbox / test if i would ignore the last three weeks! For more information about exactly why she acted this way, please take a look at my other blog posts that talk about the nice-guy/BPD combination. Reviewed by Devon Frye. Its a really brutal recovery, certainly made easier with therapy. No matter what it left ous both in such pain that heart both of ous there was nothing easy about this new Im stoke cant fix anything this mixed up god lord I cant even hard reboot and start all over they wanted me to fall and her to stay in there control ! I have been in relationships with 3 if not more people I would classify as BPD based on being just really smart, only one was diagnosed, however only one went to therapy. So why does this movie even make the list? Its only since we split 4 months ago that I ve sat back and actually thought about it all moreso. I have one question for you though that I just cant seem to find an answer for online. Borderline Personality Disorder in Women. My problem is if I leave, the children will suffer. These men tend to care so deeply about their connections that they do not need to struggle in the way the average person does to keep others needs in mind. So what have you done? [Now], I would have a different outlook on that character.. I asked things and she did the exact opposite. .what I didnt discover till a month later is that she had been cheating for at least 6 months with multiplesshe finally admitted to cheating with one random she picked up after I presented evidence but Im sure there was another but didnt have evidence..3 months prior to break I caught her setting naked pics and bedroom secrets to an ex ,she was blind drunk at time so I called her up on it the next day.she denied any knowledge of having done it and when presented with the msg was not apologetic nor distressed she dismissed it as a drunken mistake and that was that..I tried to get her to open up as to why but she refused to discuss it further saying she loved me.. During last 2 years of Rs she became drunk at least weekly and hurled insults at me such as This morning before she went to work, I was suffering Man Flu and I got accused of milking it because I coughed a bit. Your hobby is embarrassing (she introduced me to hobby as a Xmas gift) Now she wants to move again, because she is lonely, yet she is the one that picked the house! Struggling with unstable self-image or identity. Many nice-guy types are willing to accept these flaws. Surprisingly, relationship skills are linked to a persons ability to follow the rules. Fast forward 2.5 years. Thats why I know if asked her to marry me after 3 months she would have said yes. If you have BPD, if you are trying to help or understand someone with bpd I highly recommend giving these episodes a listen. The reason we call them nice guys is based on their ability to act nice even when they arent feeling at their best. Utilization of sexuality for empowerment can compromise healthy sexual intimacy. Thank you Im truly sorry to all about all this but I will never love another more then I was in love with her ! She is not mentally capable of dealing with child welfare or very much else for that matter. Sit up and look at you all night? One of two things may happen. For claritys sake, its worth mentioning that there is no specific medication that treats BPD directly. Ps I asked her one question when we last time spoke on the phone ffour days ago. Maybe that is why she stayed in this previous relationship. Many of them merely demonstrate symptoms commonly associated with BPD. After reading all the attacks you sustained just for expressing you feelings, I realized theres so much more that needs to be done to help people understand our affliction. Would she just interpret my hesitancy to return these overwhelming statements as me not feeling the same because I am not going at the same pace? yes am nice guy too and put up with all the crap like a fool ,I said sorry when I was not even in the wrong to keep peace and generally kiss ass , well I finally snapped and stormed round there and told her everything she is and what she does and said this is not working and lets call it a day and then thats when the tables turned lol, now she is kissing arse and doing what I was doing and she had the cheek to say But because you have been lucky enough to have found someone who may not have these traits you might need to go through this stage while within your relationship. Thanks again for sharing such a detailed portrayal of the high conflict woman! I hate that i have made a child with her, cuz all she does it use my child against me to make me wanna stay. We dated for 3 years then she left me right out of the blue and cut me off. Have to admit that I clearly saw along the way many things that were just not right, but for the sake of the relationship looked the other way. Healthy // Toxic: Relationships with Narcissistic, Borderline, and other Personality Types, Borderline and Back: Hope, Management and Resilience for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). looking back at those i feel shared these BPD traits, i can say i think my portion was anywhere from 5 to 10 % of the problem, and im pretty quick to admit when im wrong i dont really care, i dont always have to be right. Are women like this so blinded by their present emotions that they tend to rewrite history? I felt like I was on a merry-go-round. No accountability. I have been nothing but kind and supportive but feel at this point that hope is lost. She would rarely if ever take responsibility for what she did and/or said. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. I hope you will read up on this tendency and protect yourself as best you can. At this point, she is more used than a public toilet possibly carrying a handful of STDs. I guess Im just feeling lost. Women With Traits of BPD Why Did She Lie? As I went through adolescence, these feelings got worse. The ability to shift from social to selfish was baffling me until I have read this statement. The simple fact that you took the time to respond is a sign you do know something about it and are not trying to completely vilify others as some do. We both live in London UK. I have not tried to have a relationship in a long time and I prefer to be an escort (and yes I am bpd with a very harsh childhood/early adulthood history). Listen in today to hear a message of hope and encouragement and to add being honorable to your moral compass! I lived with a woman I think had aspects of BPD for 8 years of a nearly 10-year relationship. Lately she has told one of her siblings that she is considering reaching out to us. She was released with her BPD diagnosis, And within a week she was attacking him again. I spoke , gave and showed my love to her and I got all this in return. Because Ive been really just thinking at times is it just me and finding it hard to really believe my own thoughts because she was denying everything. Chalk this one up to experience along with the last..at least she didnt take my assets..Ive heard some horrific atrocities these disordered women and men carry out its inhumanie the things they say and do and yet its getting worse and there is zero education I didnt even know what cluster b was till I google no remorse,no regret,no empathy,no guilt. Thank you for the reply. you have been involved in psychiatry, would be a bit more understanding of that. Hes always taken me back so far. Story highlights. The con is that particular girl not everyone with bpd, I struggle with some of the typical BPD traits (as I really think so many women and men do in some ways) and have a history of many 2-3 year relationships with nice guys. Im now dating a nice guy who has strong boundaries and a strong sense of self, while also being informed, caring, firm, kind, understanding and consistent. He doesnt allow himself to get entangled in my stuff because he has the confidence to know that its my stuff and not his. Jonathan, thank you for your addition to this discussion. Thanks Joanna. It was the fifth devaluation, and even with the relationship being an arms length one, this latest one was enough for me and I set her very straight on that fact! Not that I really painted him that way. They only stop the defensive behaviors that women with traits of BPD engage in with their relationship partners and with family members, which is only one of many aspects of the condition. It appears you entered an invalid email. How do you go about talking to a family member who is married to a BPD woman who is physically abusive and he wants out, but scared to leave for fear of what she will do him, herself or his family. The movie explores themes of divorce, drugs, sex andmental health, characteristic of the generation at the time. I accepted her apology and believed her. For the final time, I asked if a face to face was an issue. Do you know how it feels? Thank you for the quick reply. Just like there is a profile for the borderline personality type, there is also a profile for the kind of man that they often choose to partner with. They run into terrible problems with over-trusting. That is challenging. The real hook for me was high physical / sexual compatibility and in conjunction with not wanting to be out there the trap began, The aspect that perturbed me for a while, is when you give them that out and they justdontwant to take it! You understand therefore significantly in relation to this subject, made me personally believe it from a lot of various angles. But in order to move on, I just have to know if any of it was real. Listen in today to hear a message of hope and encouragement and to add being honorable to your moral compass! For men, attractiveness was the most important factor in predicting dating appeal. I find you are right, you do deserve love, and are probably unaware of your actions and how they make others feel. No, you dont. I have been in relationships where I have genuinely felt as though I had been betrayed and so I felt deeply hurt. It was worth it. My best advice for anyone who is worried about ending up in another of these relationships is to learn how stop defensive behaviors of all kinds. I understand your perspective of male behavior, but I disagree that all men are as you describe. Anyways I am uncertain what to do with my nonbiological son with her. As I began to develop an adult body, boys increasingly sought out my company. Please try to be a little more understanding. In other words they dont discount the past history as much as they block it out. 2- Apparently now I somehow wronged my former High Conflict girlfriend so now she has launched a vicious attack on me on Facebook as well as writing me several nasty letters lecturing me on my lack of basic courtesy. Of course, this is easiest and most efficient when the person expresses their feelings articulately, but many individuals have difficulty doing so. This sounds exactly like the situation I have been going through for the last 2 years. Beej, thanks for your kind words and accurate summation of the BPD relationship. So they arent really to blame no more than a person with OCD is to blame for being over organized. I truely never felt this connected and close to a woman before because of the things she said and interaction we had. I found it very hard to accept and digest really. If you would like to learn the Nicola Method so you can put an end to the high conflict situations you may be experiencing, click on this link to the, If you want to try out some of the basic techniques of this method for free to see if this method is right for your situation, you can learn them from an, Difficult In-Laws: How to Stop Controlling Behavior Without Confrontation. While the realization provided some relief, it also saddened me incredibly. Find a therapist who understands personality disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder and Character Assassination, 3 Ways to Hold a Blame-Shifter Responsible, Walking Corpse Syndrome: Dawn of the Living Dead, 3 Persistent, Harmful Myths About Personality Disorders, Making Sense of Emotions in Borderline Personality Disorder, Observing Borderline Personality Family First-Hand, The Underlying Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder. It was without question the most crazy, intense five months of my life. We are mindset coaches and want to offer this content for the betterment of the BPD community. The therapist knows that if she is confronted, she will leave therapy. I dont know if he will take me back this time I doubt it. Though the film does a fairly good job of portraying BPD in a humanizing (and comedic) way, one of the plot points isnt completely accurate. But he had been developing a bit of a rebellious streak, no more so than I think many boys at his age go through. In order for individuals like Laura, who suffer from symptoms of BPD, to enjoy optimal sexual intimacy and greater stability, she will have to learn to tolerate being alone.
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